Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize