So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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