So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
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In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize