My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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