I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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