He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
