I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
