We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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