The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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