idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
