dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you had me at cake vodka
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
