Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
