Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
