Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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