i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
