I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize