By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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