FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
