Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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