Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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