No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
