At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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