i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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