I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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