turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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