Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
