I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
