guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
