it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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