i think my mom watched the whole time
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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