speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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