you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
