I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
