hotel room ftw
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
