So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
