I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
