Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
