Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
