where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
