I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
