I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
