One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize