whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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