i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
