Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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