Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial

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(971): View more from Oregon

I have two black x marks on my hands.

(503): View more from Oregon

Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

(971): View more from Oregon

damnit I wish I could remember that.

Fav 58 27729 1894
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.

Fav 4 1609 692
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(707): View more from California

How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?

(1-707): View more from California

At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain

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