I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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