Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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