She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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