found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
