White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My balls are so social today.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
