does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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