My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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