I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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