I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
