Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(