omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.