I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
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Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
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I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?