just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.