Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Who died my cat blue again?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
