Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
a search helicopter?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
