I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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