I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
