i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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