We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
foreskin is a definite game changer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
