at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
