uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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