Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
