A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
