i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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