how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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