he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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