I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Welp...herpes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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