you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
